Friday, July 29, 2005

I am coming out

No I am not gay just singing a song by Diana Ross see my blog has passed the one thousand reader mark .I know some people get that much I'm a week .But hey its hard to choose a topic when you have so much to say.the story's I could tell you will curl your toes.when you walk in on two well defined good looking,hmm,hmm hm.oh daddy .looking men locking lips.well they said when the British left India their military band play The World Turned Upside Down-the Australian national anthem is Waltzing Matilda-I should have expected it after all we found out Rock Hudson was gay. We knew Liberace was a little light in the loafers but rock?All the gay men I ever knew has never been in a closet except maybe to check out my wardrobe-girl I know you're not going to wear this-oh man the things I have seen.then there was the time my ex(we were together at the time) told me he got stuck in Florida because the friend he was with abandon him and he had to work odd jobs to get enough money to get back home and I believed him .Then the other day I googled him and found out he was in jail right here in town.i felt like sally after she found out that the great pumpkin was a beagle. I've been trick what a fool I was.and religion, don't get me started.i wont be taking any trips to jonestown any time soon to sample coolaid laced with cyanide nor will i be strapping on any backpacks. Leave that to Dora the explorer.as a matter of fact I avoid any religion that has jokes that end with the punchline-why is she out of the kitchen and where did she get those shoes-or any that teaches that a good woman is --and you can add whatever here--it probaly be obedient or subservient ,or can bake a cherrypie Billy boy Billy boy.and politics make wanna holla throw both my hands

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Fifty ways to leave your lover

A true story .Lisa was having problems with her live in boy friend he was trying to become a part of her body she couldn't go any where with he following her and he aws suspicious of her .Where have you been, where are you going, he would ask her. Not out of concern for her safety. The little apple had its perils but she could take care of herself.he wasn't always like that at least it didn't show or maybe she didn't notice.hes just worried about me she would think .Now things have gotten to the point where she just a bird in a gilded cage and it was time to fly. But how do you leave someone who has become your shadow.she made a few phone calls from a friends house.and squirreled away a few dollars.she then set out to become the dutiful obedient girl she knew her boy friend wanted. One day she say lets go to the movies. She picks one she knew he would like and off they went. It was a good movie and he was really into it she says I have to go to the bath room do you want me to bring you something back from the concession stand ill pay -that's the sweetest bait you can use anything or anybody- she walks pass the restrooms pass the concession stand and out the door to her sisters waiting car they drove to her apartment and helped her brother inlaw finish loading her stuff into the uhaul that was backed up to the apartment door.she got all her stuff loaded got in her sisters car and it was goodbye yellow brick road. Four hours later the uhaul was backing up to her new apartment in another town. As for her ex I don't know what happened to him but I can pretty much imagine the look on his face when he got home

Monday, July 18, 2005

$40 bucks a pop

When you're down on your luck and your cash isn't flowing where do you go to get rid of a bad tooth .There's a place on ----- street that charges $40 dollars per tooth.the place was filled like the county jail day room -to quote ice cube-the looks on the people faces went from oh this hurts to somebody shoot me now. Well my tooth didn't hurt that bad and after looking at the faces of the people that came out after getting their tooth pulled I decided that my tooth didn't hurt at all. As a matter of fact I only came in to cool of an air conditioned room yeah that's it before I left I asked a patient about the procedure and he mumbled dribbled to me what happened said the doctor looked into my mouth and asked me if I wanted to get it pulled and I foolishly answered yes so he shot me with something to kill some of the pain then he walked away. About a minute later he came back and stuck something in my mouth and started pulling a minute later he was showing me my tooth and asking me if I wanted to keep it. I said ro ranks. He give me a prescription for penicillin patted me on the back and said pay on the way out .I asked .What about pain. He said .They said to buy extra strength tylenol. That's when my tooth really stopped hurting as a matter of it began to tickle not really it just that people with lips numbed by novacaine look and sound funny when they try to talk and this guy was cracking me up.

Friday, July 15, 2005

crackheads

Sooner or later you are going to meet one if you haven't already the thing is you never know who's one until its too late. They don't always look like Tyrone yelling- I want some crack.crackheads are dumb people who have gotten smart and inventive in procuring the one thing that motivates them crack.a crackhead can cash a check that you cant be it from out of town or from another planet they know someone who will cash it.they can sell things that you cant sell and they will try to sell you things that you didn't even knew existed.what I cant understand how can they just pop out of nowhere with a microwave oven push it in you face and say give me $10 for this.how do you walk around with a oven looking for a buyer and not attract attention. Do they have time portals that they slip into then zap they are on the other side of town.you lock you car and go into a store and when you come your mp3 player is gone. A regular crook would do some damage but a crackhead cant afford to get caught hes got to make that sale so he can get some crack. So zap into the portal and hes on the other side of town .You go home and your friend calls and say-
hey I just bought a mp3 player for $10 now we can trade CD's .

Monday, July 11, 2005

Grandma who ?

My ex mother inlaw is trying to get back into my children's life not that she ever really was apart of their lives.after fifteen years she expects them to take to her a duck takes to an oven -hmmmm roast duck- any way they are girls and they are like the cats they keep around the house standoffish .Is that a word.she never had any girls so she don't know the pleasure of having teenage girls around the house. If I was mean I would talk them into staying with her for awhile that'll teach her a lesson or two.were was she when they were teething or needed holding when they were getting their shots or making crayon drawings of I don't know what and telling them its pretty while trying not to laugh.they are asking me the same questions about her. where was she back then.these are girls that you cant buy off with promises of trips to belks and computers for college.these girl- as I have said -are teens and girls their age even the nice ones can be a handful their wits and tongues are sharp and if your not used to dealing with them they will send you home crying.well I've talk to my girls about visting their granma and they said no way.the thing is my exs mother don't understand why

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Commercial-ese

If we ever learn anything from TV commercials its that a woman's place is in the home. Or it seems that's what admen think. Practicably every commercial selling homecare products feature woman. They are either spraying a very clean roach infested kitchen or scrubbing an already clean sink-talk sbout obsesive compulsive behavior- and in their spare time they are getting together to race vacuam cleaners.they also carry around a box of tampons just encase a canoe springs a leak.and they borrow their sisters blouse party in it all night. Put it back and lie about it. But that doesn't matter because sis nose is broke. A blouse that's been partying all night is a blouse that's funky I care what deordorant you've been wearing. Commercials have always playup stereotypes remember the Frito bandito or how do get my shirts so clean mr chan ,ancient Chinese secret the Ajax laundry detergent guy on horse back that went around zapping people in diry clothes making them clean.what were they homeless people once dirty now clean?-zap you're clean go get a job-Mr clean would clean your whole house and every thing that's in it but did you notice that Mr clean only came around when hubby was away. Come to think of it brawny never comes around when hubby is home hmmm what's up with that.and how about the lady that hung her head in shame when it was pointed out that her husband has ring around the collar.every once in awhile they will show a man trying to houes work but its a woman who has to show him the bette.r way mommy to the rescue.like the old cigarette commercial says you've come a long way baby

Friday, July 08, 2005

Time and time again

I wrote in my blog a few days ago about bill cosby and his comment on the black community and added my own opinions some which seemed to rankled a couple of people this is good but they seem to be uninformed. You cant paint a detailed picture with a broad brush when you do its called profiling. Not all schools run by blacks or have a majority of black teachers.afriacn americans are not a big black blob resting on the continent of America. We are individuals who are in different situations because of different events that occurred in our lives.suzy might be acting whorish because she wants to be a video whore but Jane might be acting the same way because she was introduced to sex at an early age by an relative or family friend.looking from the outside you would only see two loose girls .Who's the wanna be gangbanger who's the undiagnosed dilexic.problems like these have to be dealt with on an individual basis.if you were in an emergency room with a lot of other people and the nurse came in and said since you are all sick I am going to give everyone the type of shot.What would you say? http://www.wolfmanproductions.com/kunjufu.html

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Shopping

I went to a walmart today with my brother. well really he went with me. He hates that store they never have jeans in my size he says. He wears a size 30 /32. He picks up a pair that's 50/30 and says who in the hell wears these humpty dumpty.there was a time when being a big man was a thing of pride back when work was hard and strength was needed to get the job done.Then being large was a sign of success a man with a big belly was said to be contented.now we know that a person with a large gut is a cantidate for a heart attack or stroke.never mind that. he,s funny. Fat guys are suppose to be jolly like their leader Santa and their mascot frosty I am not saying that all fat people are at risk or that all skinny people are healthy.but when was the last time a skinny person was buried in a piano case. He might live in one but buried in one nah.so if you are a big,un the super center is the place for you to shop. If you are smaller then you have to go to a more expensive place and pay a higher price for something made in the same place by the same people for the same pay.well at least you can afford buy it. it the people who made it can't

Saturday, July 02, 2005

How Stella got the blues back

Oh wow a sequel to the movie that sent hundreds of American women to the islands in search of love-come to Jamaica mon not you I said mon-as it turned out the role that was played by taye diggs should have been played by little Richard-shut up-I can hear him now-I originated that role; before me there was no gay jamaicans pretending to be straight.yep teri hooked one of those downlow brothers death in a pair of now or later gators.while she was laying back savoring the moment he was tipping pass her window cause he sho want to go out and dance bad boy.i guess being on the rebound can make you overlook some things.if she really wanted someone young she could have gotten a job teaching fifth grade at least she would have ended up with someone straight' a little jail time maybe but a nice wedding.while poodle boy was washing shampooing and putting nail polish on fido in the front his friend was in the back waiting to do the dog(that's a old song I don't know if you remember it,but hey you're online google Rufus Thomas )well life might be a stage but it doesn't come with a play bill so its hard to tell the actors apart

Snake in the grass

There it was in my backyard slithering across my path black and shiny. A snake. I didn't notice it until my daughters who were beside me a second ago was now on the patio yelling momma a snake. Well so much for standing against the enemy shoulder to shoulder. a detached penis moving about- like homosexuality- will make any man stop in his tracks turn around and cut and run, or kill it. it makes them feel uneasy. After all it was a snake that seduced eve and cleo distraught over love used one to end her life. Some people keep them as pets. Big ones.they carrie them draped over their shoulders -look how big mine is-you can't carry a gun around like that.The snake in my yard was a black racer a protected species of snake I couldn't kill it. the coast guard fly over my house every day on the way to the beach and if they happen ro look down just as i was raising a stick to hit it the DNR will have me face down in my yard faster than you could say missing white girl.They are suppose to keep down the mice and vermin. I don't see how one mouse and a snake is down for the count faster than a man with a beer on the sofa. And mice breed like well, like mice by the time the snake digests his meal little mice are sitting around listening to grandma tell the story about how the great detached penis ate granpa.Well the snake made his way out of the yard i guess he was just passing through.but they are like buses if you wait long enough another will come along. wait a minute What the hell am i talking